Freedom of Self

When you sit back and let the music play, you realize what's in each song. And by understanding the music, you understand yourself. It's difficult when your selection contains, but isn't limited to, Lamb of God, Papa roach, Korn, Jack's, Trans Siberian Orchestra, And Stephen Speaks. When the selection varies as such, so does what's within. My music is a polished mirror of self reflection. Troubled, random, confused, helpless at times. I don't really understand the aspect of future...But what 16 year old does? In all actuality, I may be the most down to earth person I know. Even when I have lines to follow, coloring my life seems...daunting. Like a Kindergartner, I go crazy with crayons. Mixing greens with blues and reds and oranges. With no regard for lines. I'm not coloring for the lines. I'm coloring for myself. And to color for the sake of coloring is a truly empowering thing. To live for the sake of living, is awe-inspiring.

My writing...everyone asks me what I think as if expecting some life changing reply. Sorry to be a disappointment, but nothing I say can change you. hell, nothing you say can change you. It's what you do that matters. Until you can prove your word to yourself, I won't listen. Until you live for yourself, I will have nothing to do with you.

The truly motivating thing, is that the aforementioned Kindergartner is happy with the "mess" they've created. The mix of blue, green, red and orange is what they've wanted all along. To achieve exactly what you've wanted is amazing. Kindergartners, not unlike myself, have no regard or understanding what's to come. At that age, love, loss, loneliness are things unrehearsed. Things unseen. Almost nonresistant. People say, "Not a care in the world." Well, I believe that, "Not a care for The world," is more accurate. It is when one is truly carefree (not careless) that one is truly free. And freedom is what I admire most. I'm not talking, civil rights freedoms, but the freedoms in ones self. To live to live, color to color. The freedom of self. To express without fear of ridicule. To speak without fear of boundaries. To write without fear of a dry inkwell. Because the truth is, your inkwell is always full, until it runs dry. No middle ground. This world is black and white. Guilty or Innocent? There is no, "I didn't mean to do it!" No take backs, freebies. No, 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards in this Monopoly. One shot. So set up Hotels on Park place, and collect your Free Parking. Color for the sake of coloring. After all, who cares about lines? Who ever listened when we were told not to play in the outlet? How many of us have been knocked on our ass? (If only that dime would have fit, We wouldn't have to force it!)

But alas, we're still breathing. So, the question is, Are we afraid of the socket? Or do we just realize that dimes don't go there?